


Iron Dad, Spider Baby and Terminator

by Jazznsmoke



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies)
Genre: Aunt May mentions, Crack Fic, Gen, Humor, I COULDN'T HELP IT, Irondad, Movie References, Peter Parker is a Mess, Peter is Not Impressed, Peter is a Little Shit, Precious Peter Parker, Sassy Peter, Terminator - Freeform, Tony Stark Is Not Helping, Tony Stark Sass, Tony Stark is Good With Kids, Underoos, father/son relationship, gen z humor, spiderson
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-07-31
Packaged: 2020-07-27 19:57:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20051686
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazznsmoke/pseuds/Jazznsmoke
Summary: Friday is sassy and Peter's just as much a sarcastic little turd as Tony is. What kind of trouble can these two possibly get into?





	Iron Dad, Spider Baby and Terminator

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! This is my first foray into the MCU and I'm honestly terrified. I had a lot of fun writing this and I just hope it's enjoyed just as much as I did with writing it. Let me know what you think, please. This story wouldn't be what it is if it wasn't for Texasbelle91 and her amazing ideas and for always listening to everything I rant and rampage about.

Tony skimmed through the coding as he picked up his mug of coffee and took a sip. He sputtered in dismay as the cold coffee hit his taste buds. He hadn’t realized he had been staring at the hologram long enough for his coffee to go cold. “FRI, call Peter, would you?”

“Sure thing, Boss.” The AI agreed. A separate hologram popped up next to the one he had been working on and an image of Peter in his suit, mask off, appeared. Two rings and the video call went through.

“Hi Mr.—Tony, what’s up?”

Tony chuckled, “Someday calling me ‘Tony’ will be second nature, Underoos.”

Peter rolled his eyes and gave a lopsided grin. “Sure, sure. It just feels wrong. Aunt May and Uncle Ben always taught me to show respect to my elders,”

“Watch it, kiddo. You’re coming awfully close to calling me old,”

“If the shoe fits, Tony.” Peter giggled even as Tony sputtered indignantly about being young. “I mean, the gray hair kinda says otherwise, don’t you think?”

“You’re going to kill me one of these days, kid. Anyways, I called you for a reason.”

“I mean, I figured as much. What’s up?”

“I’ve been working on this program for a while. It’s meant for kids your age. You wanna swing by later and give it a shot, do some test runs for me?”

Tony watched fondly as Peter immediately started to get fidgety with excitement. “Holy crap. Of course! That would be so cool, Mr. Stark. I mean, shit. Shoot. Tony. Umm. I’ll head over in just a few! Gotta swing! See ya soon!”

Peter’s nervous and excited rambling, not that he’d admit it even under threat of death, is one of Tony’s favorite things. It was endearing and sweet, and a characteristic that is one hundred percent Parker Charm. Tony shook his head as Peter ended the call before he had the chance to respond.

“Make sure the Spider Baby’s preferred entry is open for him. We don’t want him to smush himself in his excitement to get here, Friday.”

Tony’s amusement increased when Friday responded. “Yes, one flat Spider Baby incident is more than enough. For the sake of precaution, I took the liberty of opening all windows and doors that he has used previously upon entering the tower. One never knows what to expect when he’s in such a state.”

“Good foresight, Friday.”

“Thank you, boss.”

\-------------------------------------------

Tony left the lab and took the elevator upstairs to the penthouse. Friday had a fresh cup of coffee brewing for him as he entered the kitchen. He took his cup of fresh coffee and made his way to the couch in the living room. He leaned back and set his feet on the coffee table. “Queue a movie, would you?”

“Sure, anything in particular you would like for me to play?”

“Something that I won’t be too invested in once Spider Baby gets here. 

“I’m taking the liberty of turning on the newest Terminator for you, sir.”

Tony rolled his eyes towards the ceiling and turned back to the TV. Within moments he was enraptured by the movie that he had seen at least a handful of times.

“Um…Tony?”

Tony jumped, eyes flitting around the room as a gauntlet formed around his wrist. His eyes finally strayed to the ceiling, where Peter crouched upside down and still fully clothed in his suit, even his mask still on. “What the fuck, Peter! Friday. Shit. Friday, fuck, kill the TV!”

Tony’s eyes widened dramatically as he realized what he had just said to his AI. He opened his mouth, getting ready to correct himself as his gauntlet clad hand lifted and pointed at the TV. He watched in horror as the repulsor took aim and fired at the TV. It fell into a million pieces scattered across the living room.

Tony slowly lifted his eyes from the devastation of what was his living room TV up to the ceiling where Peter still crouched. The teen slowly reached up and pulled off his mask. His face was stained pink in a blush that was slowly creeping down his neck. “Mr. Stark. I am so sorry. I umm. I-I didn’t mean to, uh, you know, interrupt anything…. Friday had the doors open for me so I-I just came in. I didn’t, you know, like, think you would be watching something like that in the living room of all places. But, I mean, I guess it is your house and like, you can watch whatever you want, wherever you want. I shoulda made sure you knew I was here before coming in and then I mean like. Yeah, I’m just gonna go. I’ll let you, um, get back to watching, um, that. The, um, porn. Which, that’s kinda weird, you know. Terminator porn? Like, that’s new. Yeah. So I’m just gonna go.”

Peter turned and crawled quickly towards the balcony. Tony’s mind was reeling and he could barely decipher what Peter had said, between the stuttering, the rambling and the fast speech. He finally caught up to what the kid had said, looked at Peter’s face and realized that his face was the same shade as the red in his suit.

“Jesus, Pete, I’m not watching porn! You scared the shit out of me, and I definitely gave Friday the wrong command. You don’t need to leave.”

Peter stopped mid crawl on the ceiling. He slowly turned around to look at Tony, skepticism apparent in the look he gave him.

“Why don’t you come down here like a normal person and we’ll talk,”

“Uh, yeah, okay.” Peter agreed as he dropped from the ceiling. He flipped and landed on his feet. Tony’s heart thumped painfully in his chest, watching the kid just drop down with out a care.

“First kid, you’re going to give me a heart attack. I have a bad heart, you know.”

“Tony.” Peter glared as he went to sit on the couch. “Don’t joke about your heart condition. You know it freaks me out. I’ve lost enough of my father figures. I hate thinking about losing you, too.”

Tony’s mouth dried out, as it always does when Peter refers to him as a parent. Tony joined Peter on the couch and ruffled his curly hair. “Maybe don’t crawl on the ceiling and sneak up on an old man like me,” He shrugged, unapologetically.

Peter’s head whipped around to face Tony, a shit eating grin on his face. “Hah! You admit it! You ARE old!”

Tony rolled his eyes again, “Right now I feel like I’m older than Capsicle.”

“If you keep rolling your eyes, one day your face will get stuck like that,” He nudged Tony with his elbow. “What were you watching, anyways?”

“Do you want to know why I had you come over?” Tony deflected.

“Because you missed me, duh. Seriously, though, you weren’t watching porn, were you?”

“No! Jesus, kid.”

“I don’t believe you. Why else would you blast your own TV and not tell me what you were watching?”

“Because you scared me,” Tony paused before continuing, under his breath. “The Terminator movie.” Tony knew with Peter’s enhanced hearing that he could hear what he had said. 

“I LOVE Terminator! The old ones or newer? ‘Cause the new one isn’t that great. Even though technology sucked in comparison to now, when the first ones were made, they did a way better job. Wait. Tony, isn’t it a bit, I dunno, silly for you of all people to watch that? I mean, you’re Iron Man.”

“It’s a guilty pleasure of mine, I admit, and it’s something no one knows or will ever know. Got it, Underoos?”

“Ew, don’t say ‘pleasure’ ever again. Honestly, I’d have to say it’s more Ironic than a guilty pleasure.” Peter smirked.

Tony groaned and flopped backwards on the couch in defeat. “That’s a terrible pun, even for you. You’re getting pun books for your birthday. And Christmas.”

“Would you say it was punishing?”

“That’s it, you’re grounded.”

“Friday, play Ironic, the chorus, please.”

“Of course, Spider Baby,”

The chorus of Alanis Morrisette’s Ironic began to play throughout the room’s speakers. Tony shook his head in exasperation. He spoke over the music, “You’re disowned. I can’t handle you. You’re literally giving me grey hairs. I’ve aged at least 15 years since you got here. I can’t even.”

“Can you odd?” Peter cackled, even as the music continued.

“God, you’re worse than Loki.”

“That’s the best compliment I’ve ever heard, dad, thanks!” He stuck his tongue out.

“You would take that as a compliment. I still don’t see what you like about Loki.” Tony grumbled.

“We’ve been over that. Anyways. I came over for a reason, right? You said something about a program you were working on?”

“That I did. Friday, upload the app to Peter’s phone, would you?” As soon as Tony received a response from Friday he continued, “I want you to play around with it and see what you think, and if I missed anything.”

“Awesome! This is the coolest. How long until it’s loaded?”

Friday’s voice responded, “3 minutes, Spider Baby,”

“Thanks Fri! And can you please just call me Peter, not Spider Baby?”

“No can do, Spider Baby. Boss has asked me to only call you that,” 

Peter rolled his eyes dramatically and glared at Tony. “You would.”

“I did,” He corrected, amusement coloring his tone. “Go change and we’ll go down to the Avengers common room, or the lab,”

The brunette teen nodded enthusiastically before rushing out of the room and down the hallway. Tony took advantage of the teenager free moment to look at the ceiling in exasperation. “Friday, I think you’re advanced enough at this point to realize that when I said, ‘kill it,’ I didn’t actually mean to destroy the TV, but to shut it off.” He looked around the room at the wreckage and felt a bone deep exhaustion settle inside him.

“I do apologize, Boss. I will try not to take everything you say at face value.”

Tony’s shoulders hunched in, and he lowered his head in defeat. “That’s it, you’re grounded too, Friday. Peter is a terrible influence on you. Face value. Thor save us all. The AI is making terrible jokes now too.”

The teen came rushing back into the room. Tony took one look at him and started laughing. He had changed into jeans and was still in the process of putting on a long-sleeved shirt. Red, but with black sleeves, and yet another science pun across the front. Peter’s head was stuck somewhere in the torso of it, and his arms were all the way through the sleeves. Tony immediately-still laughing- walked over and positioned the shirt for him.

“Jeez, kid. How do you swing around the city? You’re a mess.”

Peter pouted before answering. “Trial and error. More error than trial. I swung into a _lot_ of buildings.”

Tony wrapped an arm around Peter’s shoulder and led him to the elevator. They paused momentarily to grab Peter’s backpack that he had tossed carelessly into a corner of the room. “It’s amazing you don’t come home with more injuries,”

“You should have seen me before the bite, tbh,”

“Why are you text talking to me?”

“It’s a thing.” Peter nudged Tony with his shoulder. “We should go to the lab, we could totally make a bot that cleans up, so then we don’t have to deal with the Terminator TV.”

“Before you get any bright ideas, we are not naming the bot anything to do with Terminator. This is our secret.”

As the two talked, Friday took initiative and opened the elevator doors for them and took them straight down to Tony’s private labs. The doors opened and Tony keyed in his access code before striding across the huge room to his most used desk and favorite chair. He took a seat while Peter made himself comfortable on the couch Tony had bought specifically for when one of them works until they begin to doze. Peter immediately pulled his phone from his backpack and opened to the newly installed app. Tony pulled up several different screens in front of him and quickly swiped through them.

“Why haven’t you said anything about it?” Peter held up the phone to indicate the app.

“So you won’t be biased by any information I give you,” He responded, barely glancing over. “Music?”

“Sure,” Peter replied, nose buried in his phone.

“You know the one, Friday.” Tony called out. Immediately 80’s rock music surrounded them.

Tony left Peter to play with his new app and focused on R&D projects that had an upcoming due date. After a while, Peter began a steady stream of chatter about the design and aspects of it. Tony listened, attention split between the boy and the R&D work before him. “Do you think I could look at the coding for this?”

Tony turned around and smiled fondly. “Sure. I’ll send it to your desk. Go wild.” With a couple of swipes the information opened at the desk a couple of feet away from his own, on a different holoscreen. Peter jumped up from the couch and bounced to his desk. Tony returned to his work.

\-----------------------------------------------

“Hey, Tony. Can you come over here?”

It took Tony a moment to register that Peter was talking to him, and another moment to pull his eyes from his work. He pushed off from his desk and rolled next to Peter. “What’s up, kiddo?”

“Look,” Peter pointed at a line of code and then down to the app still open on his phone. “I think if you changed this, it’ll make this better.” He wrote a slightly different line of code on a piece of scrap paper. Tony took his time in reading Peter’s portion of code and the original.

“Make any changes you want, Underoos. We’ll keep separate copies and test your version out when you’ve added the changes you want to see.”

Peter’s eyes widened with surprise. “Really?”

“Yup,” Tony popped the ‘p’. “Go crazy with it. I trust you.”

“This is so cool. Wait until I tell Ned about this, he’s going to be crazy jealous!”

“When we get this thing finished, he can be the first to have it,” Tony promised as he ruffled Peter’s hair. “Why don’t you text Hottie May and spend the night.”

Peter paused in his work and picked his phone back up, quickly shooting off a text to his aunt. Within a couple of minutes, he received a response. He glanced up at Tony with a grin, “She’s cool with it. She says not to stay up too late and make sure that I eat some vegetables.”

“Yeah, yeah. Spider Baby needs every food group and more food than normal. I know how to take care of teenager spiders.” Tony couldn’t help the fond sarcasm that leaked into his voice.

“I’m totally telling her exactly what you said. Actually. Even better. Friday, will you send that audio clip to aunt May?”

“Certainly.” Friday agreed.

“Traitors. Both of you,” Tony grumbled as he rubbed his forehead in exasperation. “Turning my own AI against me. See if I put your name on the patent now, Pete. Friday, I’m switching you out with a different AI. Obviously, Peter’s corrupted you.”

“Sir, I believe those are what would be considered as ‘empty threats’ and you’ll do no such thing. You are by far too fond of us.”

“I can’t win. My AI and my kid, conspiring against me. That’s it. I’m done. Game over. I’m going to ‘yeet’ myself off the tower.”

“Oh my god, Tony. Never say that again. That was so wrong coming from you. You’re too old to use Gen Z humor.”

“Mission accomplished,” Tony watched in amusement as Peter bit his lip and furrowed his brow. Tony ruffled Peter’s hair and stood up from his chair. “C’mon. Let’s feed the growing Spider Baby and watch some TV. We’ll come back to all of this later.”

“Star Wars?” The hope in Peter’s voice was loud and clear.

Tony almost felt bad about telling him no. “I think together we’ve seen it at least 6 times, and I know for a fact you’ve seen them more than that. You can quote the original 3 in their entirety.”

“Fine, then we might as well have a Terminator marathon.”

“Not a chance. Try again.”

“Ughhhhh. How about Disney?”

“Whatever you want, kiddo.


End file.
